On Sunday, I attended a Catholic mass with my mom. I have attended mass with my mom a few times but not very often. I decided to do my observation here because whenever I have attended mass in the past, I was always worried I would do something that was against the “rules” and offend someone or make fool of myself. I was hoping by trying to get a better understanding of unwritten rules, I would be more comfortable going to church.
Before coming into a pew, a person would genuflect. Sometimes there would be a person at the end of a pew where someone wanted to sit. The person on the end would slide down and make room for the people entering the pew. Usually the person would move far enough into the pew so that there was at least a foot of space between them and the person entering the pew. This made it very easy to see where families stopped and started because family members would only be inches apart while people that didn’t know each other were a foot or more apart. If a person did not move over for someone coming into the pew, it would be seen as rude. Also, if someone sat too close to someone that they didn’t know it may be seen as an invasion of personal space and may make people feel uncomfortable. Most people had very proper posture and did not slouch during the service. This showed a certain amount of formality.
Also, I observed when people came into the church they sat down and faced forward. Most did not talk and if they did it was brief and in whispered tones. There were nonverbal gestures like head nods and smiles. If someone entered the church being boisterous and turning around to talk to people, it would be seen as disrespectful and that person would probably get dirty looks from the people around them.
During the sign of peace, everyone turned to people around them and shook hands. Through nonverbal gestures like making eye contact and extending a hand; people knew when it was there turn to shake hands. It seemed to be an unwritten rule that when somebody made eye content and extended a hand, you were obligated to shake their hand. If someone did not understand theses signs and didn’t shake hands after a handshake was initiated, it would be seen as discourteous. In fact the person that initiated the handshake might think it was a personal attack and be very confused.
Because of these unwritten rules, it would be very easy for someone who didn’t know the rules to be viewed as unfriendly or disrespectful. There are many contextual clues that someone unfamiliar with a Catholic mass could use to figure out the appropriate behavior. For instance, noticing when entering the church that everyone was quietly facing the front of the church would be a sign that this is appropriate behavior. These unwritten rules are part of the reason why I think many people are a little uncomfortable to attend church or other religious ceremonies, especially when it is outside their own denomination.
Are there any places that you are a little uncomfortable to go to because of not being clear on the unwritten rules?
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I think anything new you would go to would be a little uncomfortable at first, especially other people's houses. Once you adjust to the unwritten rules or learn exactly how things work you become familiar with your surroundings and are more comfortable! I think there are always places you will be uncomfortable with at first but you easily adjust to everything the more you become familiar with it.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with katie, certain places will be uncomfortable if your not used to what goes on or have an opportunity to observe others in this environment. I personally feel like meeting a boyfriend or girlfriends family for the first time or anyones family is a little uncomfortable because you don't know if you should hide some of your personality traits of your own, that wouldn't fit with theirs. It's hard to judge how someone you have never met before will react to your jokes or your sense of humor or your vocalness or your body language.
ReplyDeleteI am one person who really feels uncomfortable in church. I guess my discomfort comes from the fact that I don't know much about religions. Other than that, however, the fact that people in the pews always sit in the same directions has always made me feel uncomfortable. I guess church makes me feel uncomfortable because it feels so formal. And I don't like formal atmospheres.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, formal atmospheres make me uncomfortable so much that I despise going to fancy restaraunts. For instance, when I was a kid, I went to Michael Jordan's restaraunt in Chicago. At the restaurant, I was told that I had to put on a tie because of their dress code. In short, I was counting the seconds to leave.
Church is deffinately a place where you could screw things up. When I was young and went to church and my grandma came along I always felt more presure to know things and not mess anything up. You for sure need to attend a good amount of masses to understand everything that is going on. This is a good enviornment to choose. Any place that I have never been to or not familiar with would make me feel uncomfortable. I am catholic and if I went to another religion I would not know what to do and be nervous for sure.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with Anthony that it is partly the formality of church that makes some people uncomfortable. Charissa I think you brought a good point about meeting a boyfriend/girlfriend parents for the first time. The awkwardness I think is due to not knowing all the unwritten rules.
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